Sunshine On My Shoulder

It seems like the clouds have lifted. I feel great excitement laying to rest each night, knowing what waits for me when I wake the next day. The feeling is different than in the past. As my conscience once told me, the feeling would hit with a great and more purposeful impact when it was meant too - and I now know it was the truth. It is hard to explain simply the impulse that flows from the sensations surrounding me. It feels like a weight has been lifted and given me more to strive for and better things to look forward too than I had before. The sense of worry is present as is the past, but now it feels much lighter and less troublesome than it ever has been. Every departure only brings anxiety for the next meeting. The images of each meeting are vividly implanted in my head and grow larger as the days go by. I set out to prove myself as promised, and I intend to do so with all that I have. I have nothing holding me down, and time is on my side. I pray that the healed scars will not be opened as they were so many times before. I feel strongly enough that I've learned my fair share of lessons and learned from my mistakes, so that I don't stumble into any traps as I have so many times. It all feels like a fresh start and its utterly amazing and excitingly new. My head is clear and free to dream. I juggle thoughts of the road ahead and hope that they aren't in vain. Part of me stands back, while the other is full steam. In due time all of me will move forward, but for now I set to make her a believer. To stand behind my words and give what I said I could. I have no reason to think it's for naught. Soon enough the light will shine and the rivers will meet in the end. From then on the proof will stand and the smiles will shine on. I can't wait for that day - when the realization comes through. For now I keep my shine on and feel the comfort of knowing that each day brings more than the day before.

Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away. ~Dinah Craik

In The Clouds

What does it take to win someone's heart? We have a fear of moving too fast or not fast enough. I suppose life always works itself out. I feel the excitment of showing my worth, but I worry that I won't have the chance. Hindsight is 20/20. Timing is everything. I hope that the odd week to come isn't enough to instill fear of being the norm. I hope that both hearts and minds are in the same position. She must know that its all for real. I pray that the time passes and the smiles flow freely. My heart will be my guide for the next few weeks. My mind is overloaded and I hope to integrate what I have now with what I know would be more than amazing. I can't deny that I'm scared - I suppose its only natural. I'm scared of it ending just as quick as it started, or that she won't be there when I call. I will do everything I can to make sure that doesn't happen, but the fear will be there until her glow overtakes it.

A Fresh Start

Doors open and close. Opportunities come and go. The days I've trudged through have passed slowly at best. In time good things happen. Situations arise when least expected in the most unexpected ways. I thought nothing much of it at the start, but I know now that I couldn't have more wrong. I can't deny I was excited from the start, but I never could have known just how incredible it would turn out. I've learned from my past not to jump to conclusions. I won't make any assumptions. All the right answers were given to all the important questions. I had to pinch myself more than once in the five hour span and I'm thankful it didn't all disappear. Unbelievably comfortable and no less than amazing. Her eyes and her smile that lit the room. I can still see her glow. We talked endlessly and without regret. Her laugh intrigued me. We held nothing back. She accepted my offer to dance and couldn't have made me happier. The past months seem to slip from my mind. Time was lost to me and it didn't matter. Not in recent memory have I been able to be myself with someone as well as I was at this moment. I find it tough now to put into words the emotions that seep through me. The smile that appeared on my face a few short hours ago still lingers about and will most likely remain for quite a while. A part of me - as I'm sure her as well - wonders if it was all a flash out of reality. I'll set out to prove what its worth. To back up my words and not be any less than what I said I was. I have no doubt about fulfilling my end and only hope to see the same. I could go on and on but I can only pray that I have more inspiration in the upcoming days. My mind will be full for hours. The glow that surrounded me has gone for the moment, but with all good intentions will return in a short time. I think of her smile and her eyes. In my head they will remain. As I've said I've learned from my past and won't make assumptions. I hope for all the good that I feel to come out in time. I miss her already.

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh!" he whispered. "Yes, Piglet?" "Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw. "I just wanted to be sure of you." ~A.A. Milne