Ready, Shoot, Aim

Sometimes I don’t understand how I get myself into things. It seems that one minute everything is going great, and the next is a big bowl of stress soup. My friend put it best – saying I use the “Ready, Shoot, Aim”. Everything goes so smooth for a time, that I don’t think twice when I get myself into things that I shouldn’t. Days minutes or hours float by and then I get kicked in the ass and realize what I did. I suddenly see the consequences of my previous actions and they unfold while I’m kicking myself in the ass. I just go through my days and fail to think about my actions most of the time. I think I’m engulfed in so much monotony that I never really feel the need. Everything is so routine to me that when the time comes to make conscious intelligent choices, all thinking escapes me and I do what gratifies me for the moment. It’s not until it comes around to me again that I realize the error of my ways. You would think that as I get older I would get smarter and learn from my mistakes. Sometimes it feels like things get worse as the days go by. Like I never learn anything from my experiences. There are times where I sit and analyze my situation and try to set myself straight. I think about what I’ve done, and try to make sure I don’t let myself end up in bad spots in the future. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. I guess all in all I just wish I had better judgment. I never set out to hurt anyone, but more times than not that is how it ends up. When it comes back around to me, my guilty conscience kicks in and I’m left out to dry; only having myself to blame. It’s one big vicious circle and it makes me tired and leaves me wondering if I can ever pull out and move on to bigger and better things. I suppose as time floats by I will hopefully learn right from wrong and be able to gain knowledge from my experiences. Unlikely – but I’ll keep my fingers crossed.

Keep your sense of humor. There's enough stress in the rest of your life to let bad shots ruin a game you're supposed to enjoy. -Amy Alcott

All The Kings Horses & All The Kings Men ...

For a friend
Our thoughts and instincts are funny at times. We convince ourselves of certain truths or beliefs and hold true to them for years. We experience events that change the way we look at someone or something, and hold to those experiences. We change our views and expect nothing different. Sometimes things get ruined for us, and other times a new door is opened. Days will pass, and sometimes we can revert back to the way things once were. All we need is time more often than not. Perhaps someone to "undo" what was done in the first place. I, as most of us, have had my fair share of experiences both good and bad. I've struggled through bad times and smiled through good. There have been moments where someone has changed my views or outlook on life. Images have been ruined and recreated. I've altered my beliefs. I think it is safe to say that certain people have impaired my image of others. Made me judge more. Made me stray from what I would have run to before. None of this makes sense really, and it shouldn't. We build reinforced brick walls sometimes when life screws us over, and refuse to pull them apart when the time is right. We fear the worst. We have our hearts broken and some scars never heal. We distance ourselves from what we have seen in the past, perhaps losing out on great opportunity. I've never claimed to be smarter than the next guy, or any better than anyone else. I do know that I've learned to recover from my falls and broken hearts, and start new from the beginning. My bricks don't stay up long, as I've been to the place before and don't feel anyone should be denied the opportunity to be let inside. Others I know have walls as high as mountains that can never be climbed. They are shut to the world, because of something that cut so deep they felt there was no other choice. Emotions get shoved in a box and feelings are never seen. Where am I going with all of this? I have no idea. Just know that for every brick in your wall there is one in everyone else's too. No one can tell you to take it down. Just be sure to peek over once in a while and make sure you're not missing out on anything. Life works is mysterious ways. Give it a shot, ya never know what could happen.

Hustlin' & Bustlin'

Days come and go. Hours pass and minutes slip by. I slide from one task to the next and never think twice. In my hard to find downtime I try no to think about the routine that I've fallen into, and just try to make the best of the moment. Life is hectic at best. Work consumes most of my time. Trying to coincide my schedules is at times more difficult than than work itself. I struggle to find time to myself. To relax or read a book. Share a glass of wine or a smile with someone. I feel at times the load is overbearing, but I know what needs to be done and seldom complain about it. The few hours I have to relax seem to fly by. I wake each day and think about what lies ahead and always know there is something more. It doesn't matter what, as long as it is something different.


Balance is the key, yet it is one of that hardest things to achieve. What seems to be balance is really just monotony. We fall day after day into the same routine and feel that we have it all worked out. Some insist they have it all together. They are liars. I know I don't have my shit together. The gears get mangled after only a short while and the balance is gone. Left to start again. Perhaps that is what keeps us going. Keeps life interesting. I'm all for surprises. Where would we be without them? Who would want to go through a day knowing exactly what was in store for them? That to me is boring - and pointless. Granted if we take the good surprises we must take the bad as well - but I'm all for it. I'll take the shitty days at work if they in turn deal me a quiet sushi night with a smiling face. Give me a flat tire on the way to work for a good bottle of wine to share at home. Always try to stay positive and never let the man get you down. The day you wake up without a hope or care in the world is the day you need to stay in bed - 'nuff said.

"Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans." - John Lennon