When you're down you're down ....

It seems like life comes in swells. When you're up you're up, and when you're down you're down. The bundles of happiness and sorrow seem to flow in like waves hitting the sand. They come in at a fast pace, ready to roll over anything in the way. After they crash and make their mark, another one is waiting right behind. It continues on and on and never ends. Just when I thought I had everything flowing back in the right direction, I get stunned with all types of things from different angles. I was just at the border, ready to crossover in my new realm, and the wave hit me and took me back even further than I would have thought. Problems brewed from everywhere. I woke up and felt like shit each day. I felt like my body was on fire day after day and I was just waiting to explode. I felt like some people were turning, and others were drifting away.



My plan for revitalization was falling apart and everything was a mess. I just from one extreme to the other in a heartbeat. I had strangers from the past arrive at my door, and got ripped to shreds by someone close when I least expected it. I suppose people sometimes don't think about the effects of their actions - physically or verbally - and they just let it out and its over. They never contemplate the course it takes on the receiver. I was a the end of a receiving line and I know, no matter what my conscience or constant spread of happiness wants to do, they will never regret it or apologize and I will be left to repair something I didn't break. It sucks really, but perhaps I'm a better person for it? Who knows. So yet another day where I try to put the pieces of the puzzle that is my life back together. I feel like I can crawl through a few days, up the ladder in the right direction, and then I fall off and have to start again. Its a drag really. I wish that for once everything could fall into place. The hecticness that I have would spread into normality, and my stress could be turned down to low. My numbers would match up, and I would look forward to waking up in the morning and starting my day. I wish that sometimes people didn't have little surprises in store that always seemed to spring at the wrong moment. If they stopped to look around once in a while, they could see things from the other side and maybe crack a smile and give up on hating life. I am still ever thankful for my once constant smile that is my saving grace. I'm surrounded by the tunes of sorrow mixed with joy and I attempt to sort everything the best I can. Day by day. So it goes ...

There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. - Carl Jung