Where Did You Go?

I miss curling up in the bed with someone. I miss the Sunday morning breakfast and lounging around all day. I miss cooking dinner together after a long day of work. I miss constantly having someone on my mind and smiling all day. Her eyes in the moonlight. The bottles of wine and dancing. Her laugh. Having someone to wake up to. A reason to buy flowers. Someone to show off. An excuse to go out to dinner. A reason holidays were special. Someone to talk about to my friends. Having someone to help me take on the world. An excuse to make yet another mix CD. A constant reminder of why I wanted to wake up every morning. Wanting to be a better person. Someone impartial to vent to. Someone who said they'd always be there. Never worrying. Always smiling. Laughing. Crying. Being quiet. Holding. Cuddling. Being apart. Falling all over again each time.

"You can't disappoint me, because whatever you are is exactly what I want"

Blowing my mind

Like magic she somehow managed to get thrown back into my head. I don't know if it was the long, lonely rides home or just the downtime that I had no other way to avoid. The flashbacks blew through all at once like a tornado. I couldn't shake them no matter how hard I tried. And here I thought I had flushed it all out of my system and then I realized I was totally wrong. Nestled away in the back of my head - there she was - waiting for the right moment to pop out again. It blasted me all at once and thrust me back to where I was stuck months ago - waiting and wondering. Only this time I couldn't act on it. I thought about how close I was .. how close we were. I wondered, for a fraction of time, how it all tragically slipped into nothing. Disappeared like it was never there. A short story I read in a waiting room. A movie trailer. A TV show. Over and done with no turning back. Yet here I'm pulled into my puddle again and have to struggle to swim free and lift myself from the frustration. Its ultimately a lost cause but I trudge on, knowing that somehow I'll pull through, as always.