No catchy cliches or one liners. Just observations and my best breakdown of my mental occupation. I did a fair amount of thought processing today. Mostly on the usual BS that is my life, but I looked in depth as well. I thought about the days that have passed, those recent and long gone. I thought about days to come, and how I, as do most, wish the future could be laid out in front of me for me to see. Sometimes I grow tired of falling into the same cavern over and over. From one time to the next, I ask myself not to succumb to the same traps I have in the past, but somehow my body pulls ahead and I end up stuck on the side of the road, the same as I was a million times before. My one saving grace through all the jumbled thoughts in my head is the voice of my conscience. I lay out the stories for her in mild detail. Sometimes she is surprised, others she had expected. Even when I don't ask her, she drops well spoken words of wisdom and faith unto me. Quick and to the point, she travels in my mind and dissects what she knows all to well is running through it. She simply states the facts and turns a new light onto what is already there. She opens a door for me that I didn't see in the course of my frustration, and I eagerly enter it knowing it is truly the right way to go. Throughout my years she has been there, if she knew it or not, to steer me in the right direction, when my mind wasn't strong enough to carry me there on its own. This time, like the last and all the others before, she dropped her words to me and they now replace the frustration in my mind. They stand out when I question myself and keep me heading away from what ails me.
Not much more can be said of the current events in my head. Again, life led me where I needed to go, and I don't regret for a minute where I traveled. I am left with many astounding memories on which I cannot dwell for fear of further frustration. It all seems like a blur at this point. Everything took over so fast and was magically through it's course. Only when I stop and think about it do I feel the real impact. One lucid vision leads to another and it spirals into oblivion until I break it and move on. If I stay busy and fill my head with other thoughts, the visions stay behind, hidden for another time of story telling or comparison. Like before, I must be strong and listen to my conscience. She has spoken wisely and will carry me through. I know should any problems arise, I can talk to her and be set free again. Breaking the habit is the hardest part now. Trying to adjust back to the way I was what seems like an eternity ago. For months now there has been one thought - one person - on my mind. Now I must shift back to me and go on. I think about my family and friends, work and play. Everything I know and love that is "normal" to me. Those are the things that get me through. I get stuck playing the "what ifs" in my head and try not to dwell. Fate has played out and maybe it will capture us back in the future. Experience is a wonderful thing. Who knows what will happen tomorrow, next week or next year. Perhaps I'll tell this story to her one day - of all the thoughts and struggles she put me through. How hard I had to poison my mind with monotony to move on. I'll fall asleep tonight and wake tomorrow just as I have for years. Time will pass and the visions will fade. Something will come and I'll know when it hits me. Maybe this is the something and it will find its way back. For now I shall carry on like before. No regrets - only peaceful smiles that come at the thoughts of what has passed. Not one moment of sorrow or anger - just days of happiness, each better than the one before. I have all the faith in the world that I will live the happiest life I possibly can. Tomorrow is another day. The doorstep will always be there and I'll remember to leave the light on - it can't stay empty forever.
