I've been many places, done many things, met many people and felt many feelings. My travels have taught me about life, both good and bad, and I've learned from my mistakes and tried to better myself. I've gone through my days as simply as I can. I've never asked much of anyone outside of their means, and I like to think that I have no enemies. Lately I've realized that all I really want in life, ultimately, is to be happy. I suppose that everyone looks at the world in a different manner. Some want money, some want love and some are just glad to be alive. For me - it's happiness. I wake up everyday just happy to be here. Sometimes the world overpowers me and that is what causes my sadness. Its not necessarily me, or my choices, but the course of action of everything around. The times that hurt the most are when things are up - really up - and them come to a crashing halt. I find myself constantly giving advice to people about life, relationships etc. However when the time comes I can't take anything for myself.
I had everything I needed - my car, my job(s), my kid, my family, my friends - and my girl. I was happy - even if only for a short time - I was happy. I thought this time would be it too. I truly thought this was the one I wouldn't have to walk away from. Everyday was better than the last - and words cannot describe how it made me feel. I was, for once, on top of the world. Not only was I glad to wake up and start the day, but I had her by my side. She could have been anywhere in the world - and just knowing she was out there somewhere thinking about me was all I needed. I've been told before not to form my happiness based on one individual, but I let myself slip, and in an instant I was right back where I never want to be. I think its safe to say I had only had my heart broken once and I swore I would do all I could to never let myself end up in that position again. I now realize that it, as with most anything in life, is an unpreventable situation that we have no control of. I let myself in to deep, and now I have to magically forget it all happened and walk away. As always, the days will go by, the sun will still rise in the morning and set at night. Only this time it will be harder to stand. I've been pushed down hard, and I'll have trouble finding my legs again. Everything flashed before me in an instant, and I wondered how I fell from my sturdy legs. It all flew by on my way to crashing into the ground. While I lie here, I think about it at first, then turn to my family and friends to grab me and pull me to my feet. This time there is no use in fighting. What I thought I had has been stolen from me and the return in nowhere in sight.
Just as a wounded knee heels - so does the heart. At first it bleeds for the world to see. Then we cover it up, only checking on it once in a while. We treat it and take care of it, and eventually, with time, it heals. Full restored, only a scar remains. We don't think about it after it heals, we even forget how it was wounded in the first place. This time it is wounded deeply. A scar will remain - but it will be the one I tell stories about until they run out or grow old. Then I will forget about the scar and know that I have bigger things intended for me ...
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