The curiosity had burned inside. Day by day - week by week. Everyday I'd prepare my head only to give myself some excuse when the moment arrived. Never any action, never any consequence. Not knowing still left me that glimmer of hope.
I asked her out today - shaking and sweating. Straight forward I threw it out and felt instant relief. In that same instant the unknown dissipated into rejection. "My boyfriend might be upset if I did" was the closing argument. Fair enough - at least now I feel better. I don't really though. I just think I do. All the days of subliminally torturing myself have gone. I made the leap and I fell short. Now I ask this - is it better to not know and have the high hope and empty fantasy or to know and have the unwelcome answer? I think I would have rather just been a pansy and never asked and lived with the fact that if I had it could have been magical. Now I know for sure but it isn't the way I wanted. I suppose since I had prolonged it I thought that when I finally had the balls it would all go smoothly - apparently not. Well I guess it did go smoothly. I asked, she rejected, end of story. I chatted with a friend last week and told her about said love interest. She told me that I should just get it over with because she could fall in love with someone tomorrow - and that someone could be me or someone else. I thought about that right before I asked. I guess she was right - it was someone else. Tomorrow is another day. I don’t regret asking and I wont be embarrassed to talk to her again (not that I really talked to her all that much in the first place) that’s just not me. Now I won’t have to worry anyway and I can go off and stalk someone else instead. Maybe she'll break up with her boyfriend tomorrow and realize that I'm the best thing that could ever have happened to her. She'll come running to me and we'll move to Hawaii and live in bliss. Or maybe I'll just come back to work like I do every other day and stare out the window for hours contemplating my life. Yea, that sounds about right. I think I'll go with that plan.
1 comment:
EEEYYY BABA GANOUSH!
I have a dream that she'll break up with her boyfriend... I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."
Its all good though, cuz now she knows your interested, so when she does break up with her bf, you'll be on her radar. Or you could just be persistant and determined. You can keep asking and win her over. Just "Follow your heart, thats what I always do." (Napoleon Dynamite)
Pull those smooth Adamish moves. Maybe a boombox over your head or something. I dunno, something John Cusack related will do the trick. She's bound to come to you. "You're the Sack, she'll come to you." (Wedding Crashers). I just watched Swingers last night, great movie. I think the line, "I don't want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie everyone's realy hoping makes ith appen. I want you to be the guy in the rated R movie, you know, the guy you're not sure whether or not you like yet. You're not sure where he's coming from. Okay? You're a bad man." I guess thats solid advice.
Then again, who am I to philosophize...if thats even a word. You don't need advice from me, you're the miracle man. You'll make it happen. If not with this girl -(Who i saw throwing garbage out yesterday btw, as I was driving by. You're right dude, she is pretty cute. She had these nice kackhi pants on. Good stuff...but thats neither here nor there.)- then with some other super hot chica. You know what your doing, Ill just sit back and take notes. Keep me posted though.
Btw, you can always send me in to do some recon work. Scope a few things out. Maybe do it "hitch style". Plant the seeds. Start up some nasty rumor about her bf, throw a lil propganda in there. We can get everyone from VVids in it. Call up Bob from Bville or Alex from C-Side. She'll have no idea we're all working together. We just gotta plan it right. She'll be single in no time... That or im just totally BSing, and hoping for the best with a naive and overzealous dellusion of grandeur. But whatever dude. All I'm saying is, the saga has just begun. Besides its the Summer. People always break up during the Summer, its inevitable...right? I dunno, I guess im just sorta Rambling on over here. Prob on the verge of having no one really read this far anyway. In fact, if you are reading right now, you deserve a metal cuz I don't even know what I am talking about right now. So before challenge the author of the Seven Habits of Highly effective people for most useless, and redundant information, I think I'm gonna peace. So...yeah, its all good man. The situation has only just begun. And remember, there can be only one highlander. I'm gonna go look at my exstensive collection of name tags and hair nets.
I'll see you in another life.
Jay Bizzle
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