The curiosity had burned inside. Day by day - week by week. Everyday I'd prepare my head only to give myself some excuse when the moment arrived. Never any action, never any consequence. Not knowing still left me that glimmer of hope.
I asked her out today - shaking and sweating. Straight forward I threw it out and felt instant relief. In that same instant the unknown dissipated into rejection. "My boyfriend might be upset if I did" was the closing argument. Fair enough - at least now I feel better. I don't really though. I just think I do. All the days of subliminally torturing myself have gone. I made the leap and I fell short. Now I ask this - is it better to not know and have the high hope and empty fantasy or to know and have the unwelcome answer? I think I would have rather just been a pansy and never asked and lived with the fact that if I had it could have been magical. Now I know for sure but it isn't the way I wanted. I suppose since I had prolonged it I thought that when I finally had the balls it would all go smoothly - apparently not. Well I guess it did go smoothly. I asked, she rejected, end of story. I chatted with a friend last week and told her about said love interest. She told me that I should just get it over with because she could fall in love with someone tomorrow - and that someone could be me or someone else. I thought about that right before I asked. I guess she was right - it was someone else. Tomorrow is another day. I don’t regret asking and I wont be embarrassed to talk to her again (not that I really talked to her all that much in the first place) that’s just not me. Now I won’t have to worry anyway and I can go off and stalk someone else instead. Maybe she'll break up with her boyfriend tomorrow and realize that I'm the best thing that could ever have happened to her. She'll come running to me and we'll move to Hawaii and live in bliss. Or maybe I'll just come back to work like I do every other day and stare out the window for hours contemplating my life. Yea, that sounds about right. I think I'll go with that plan.
