On Track

I sometimes think about if I made all the right choices in life. I suppose everyone goes through the phase, but I find myself more often than not, thinking about if I did and what I could have done differently.

Take myself and my two closest friends. We all chose our own paths that started out with college right of of high school. After about two years we all took turns in different directions and landed us, nearly ten years later, in totally different places. I find myself hanging out in bars and socializing with people who are at the "spot" I was at 5 or 6 years ago. No one really takes notice, but I do. I like to observe and sometimes partake and remember what it was all about - but for the most part its tough for me to be a part of it. Why do I subject myself to it? Good question. There are a few of the people that are mature and realize that they need to be responsible. They enjoy themselves but not to excess and realize that there's more to life than bars and booze. The other half are continuously partying like there is no tomorrow and seem to have no responsibility at all. When you walk through the door its like entering another world where everyone is the same - only no one takes time to look beyond the shots and the beer to see that in reality, no one is the same. People make assumptions and say things based on their views of you. Rarely do people get to know one another in a bar setting to actually care what goes on in the "outside" world.

I've come across so many types of people in the bar setting that it totally intrigues me to sit and think about what each person is about. I'm tired of having the girls that lack any sense or respect or responsibility come straight out and torture themselves with endless amounts of alcohol, just looking for a hook up because they think you're "cute". My salesmanship skills want to come out at times and take advantage of any situation, but I try to remember to hold back. They never look beyond and see that there is more to me than the bottle in my left hand and the cigarette in my right.

Tonight I stared into nothing, sitting alone at the bar, thinking about my life. How I have to wake up tomorrow and go to work - where people see me as a totally different person. It's like there are two separate sides to me and I can't seem to find a way to break them apart - which is what I long for more than anything.. .




In other news - I am always interested in both sides of the story. The chase and the capture and the mistakes that prove deadly. Hearing both sides of a situation is enlightening and utterly intriguing. It's hard to sit and merely observe sometimes but I think that it helps everyone in one way or another. Relationships, good or bad, are learning experiences and nothing more. They are part of life and shouldn't be played with or taken for granted .. . .