Money or Sanity

. . .. That was my question for the day. I sat and thought a lot today. I feel that everyday I wake up in a monotonous twirl. Day by day the same happenings in and out. I know what to do and how to do it but I cant for some reason. I'm so content where I am that it makes it hard to thing about moving on to something I'm unsure of. I thought about it most of the day - more than normal - and weighed my options. It's tough to find something that will keep me sufficed to the point I'm at now - so it makes it harder than it should be to do something else. The money flows in but still I can't keep myself happy 100% of the time. I miss the old days of having half the job worries and being able to spend my free time the way I chose. Now it seems like the free time I do have I only want to sit on my couch or sleep - its the only sanity I can find in the sanctuary that I call home. Even that is hard since there is no time to clean or keep things in order the way I'd like. The days tick by and I sit and wonder still how to move on. I have my releases that are few and far between. I long for something out of the ordinary - even if only for a few minutes a day - good company and good conversation, good music or a trip somewhere unknown. I look forward to anything I can that breaks my routine. For now I sit and think and write to vent and get it all off my chest . . .

Life

I learned a fair amount tonight. I had a chat with a new friend about an old one and it felt good. I haven't been able to snag a real conversation as of late so it was nice - even if it was only for ten minutes or so. I found myself being brutally honest and looking out more for my friend than myself. Both sides of the conversation were intellectual, and it felt good to be able to be honest and help out a true friend at the same time. I felt for him - knowing him as long as I could - and did my best to explain and differ a tight situation. I think I did my part and I feel good knowing that my opinion was held strongly, and that I was speaking as an outsider to benefit someone other than myself.

I thought a fair amount on the ride home too. About where I'm at and what I'm doing. I think about that more often than not, but still can't seem to progress or get it off my mind. Good talk makes me feels better. Like I'm not stuck in the places I hate being, and more like I'm in the real world. It's my world though, like it or not, so must make the best of it. ...